Tag Archives: writing

Making Time for Yourself

Someone asked me recently what I would be doing to entertain myself if I was back home. I didn’t have an answer. This is, I think, for two reasons:

  1. I haven’t lived in Hawaii for long enough to carve out a familiar, comforting routine. Of the past nine months (whoa) since coming to Hawaii, I’ve been away for almost six of them, and the others were seeped in an overwhelmingly liminal feeling.
  2. Almost all of the things that make me happiest are portable.

Think about it: if you were to leave home for a while – a few weeks, or many months – what is it that you would miss? If you have a family or spouse or even a pet, they have to stay behind. That’s rough, but this is about you. Who are you, apart from everyone else? What entertains you? What activities make you feel like you are fully yourself?

I like to ask people what they look forward to doing when they get home from work and all the chores and errands are finished. My dad would never let us pick up an activity if there was work left to be done; it made really appreciate my leisure time and, more importantly, live fully inside of it, free from to-do lists nagging at the edge of my attention. So when it is time for you to put your feet up and relax, what do you reach for? If it’s something you can carry with you, then, I think, you’ll always have a little bit of home with you wherever you go.

I’m sure I have a biased perspective. It took a long time, but now I am used to living away from my family and friends, and I had to learn how to make myself happy without them around for support, filling up my time and space. And I guess I’ve always been a quiet, introverted nerd. Outdoorsy and athletic, too, but my parents wanted me to be, and I’m not sure how many of those impulses are inherent and how many are the result of habit and upbringing. In fact, even those physical activities are, for me, solitudinous – running, swimming, hiking: all alone.

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Illustration by Chris Buzelli (from a great essay, titled “At Home in the Liminal World“)

When your principle form of diversion is depends on you alone – your creativity or motivation – almost any hobby can be carried along with you. I do things alone. I associate solitude with home. In a way, then, I can bring a little bit of home with me wherever I go.

Even amidst the roar of propeller blades and the chatter of the crew on the headsets, when I open up a book, I am transported to a different place, any place of my choosing. I can play my Nintendo Switch in a crowded, noisy lounge and forget that anyone else is there. Even writing this post, or any creative writing – I keep a notebook in my backpack, ready to seize the opportunity when inspiration strikes, and my phones “notes” app is filled with scraps of ideas and descriptions that I want to remember or revisit. When I run, it’s just me and the music (and suffering). I’m getting back into video editing, which requires a surprising amount of concentration and a challenging learning curve and a lot more invested time than I remember from before. All of these things bring me the most joy, and I can do all of them whether I’m at home or on the road.

Sometimes people get their “me” time, some comfort of home, from being around other people – group activities, team sports, spending time together. They could feel comfortable wherever they go. That is wonderful, a truly enviable characteristic. But this post is not about that.

I am deeply interested in people who make it a priority to carve out time for themselves, who have some quiet interest that draws them away from the company of others. Now, more than ever, it is so easy to waste time. (I’m guilty of this just as much as everyone else my age; I spend a truly appalling amount of time scrolling through memes and watching the same youtube videos over and over.) I’m fascinated by people who have clear priorities, who set boundaries on the time they’re willing to give to others and the time they insist on keeping for themselves. It takes some bravery and focus, and sometimes awkward explanations, to detach from the world around you and turn the focus inward instead, to be wholly and authentically yourself. I have a lot of respect for people who make it look natural and effortless, especially since I’m pretty firmly entrenched in the “antisocial weirdo” camp.

So if you have some secret hobby or passion, something that you do for you alone when no one else is watching, I’d like to hear about it sometime. I think I understand you a little bit already, and I’d like to know more.

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A DEFENSE OF NEW YEAR’S RESOLUTIONS

New Year’s Eve is one of my favorite holidays! It’s a time to reminisce on the past year – what you’ve seen and done, the people you’ve met and lost, how you’ve changed. It’s a time to be with friends and family; New Year’s is a great capstone to the holiday season as a whole. It’s also a time to look forward at the year ahead and… SET GOALS!

New Year's Resolution

I’m very Type A. I get anxious if I don’t have a to-do list for the day. I also get really excited about setting goals. And what better time to do so than at the cusp of a shiny new year? It’s a perfect excuse to do something positive with your life.

I had some vague goals for 2013: MOAR BOOKS and MOAR WEIGHTS. They were so unspecific that it was hard to be unsuccessful. I didn’t read a single book until July, but I ended up reading more than 20 before the end of the year. Next year, I hope, I’ll read just as many. There were a bunch of unexpected fitness accomplishments, too: I participated in two weight-lifting competitions; I deadlifted twice my body weight; I did my first pull-up and now I can do six in a row; I ran my first 10K; I swam my first two miles and my fastest 500m to date. And, thanks to conscientious eating and a lot of patience, I lost more than 10lbs, too. So I’m still pretty far away from squatting 225 and benching a plate like I want to, but these other accomplishments are great, too, and I’ll remember 2013 as a big year for fitness!

But maybe you’re someone who thinks New Year’s resolutions are stupid, or a waste of time, or not for you. Maybe you’ve tried resolutions in the past and were discouraged by failure. Maybe you’re just not the forward-thinking sort and prefer to look toward the past for guidance instead of idealizing about the future. I’m actually really surprised and disappointed by the amount of negativity I’ve seen toward resolutions this year – especially people challenging the legitimacy of a goal when it’s made on behalf of the new year. It must be hard for unambitious people to see others getting excited about making a positive change in their life because unmotivated folks know they probably ought to be doing the same thing and, rather than dignify another person’s resolutions with support or even set their own goals, they take the easiest option, which is doing nothing and trying to negatively influence others to do the same. Ignore the haters. Even if you set the bar too high and don’t complete your goal, you came a lot further than someone who went nowhere at all.

*drops the mic*

Anyway, if you’re one of the naysayers, ask yourself: what would I like to change about myself or my lifestyle? How much control do I have over this? What can I accomplish with a small but consistent effort? And, finally, why not try?

My challenge, really, is to think about reducing what makes you unhappy or maximizing what makes you happy in a way that ensures year-long compliance. I mean happiness in terms of what brings you confidence, fulfillment, and purpose, not just what brings you pleasure and enjoyment (though those are important, too). Think about something that will increase your quality of life or your appreciation for your own talents and abilities. Or be brave, step outside of your comfort zone, and use the new year as a reason to try something completely different. Happiness, I think, is not a mysterious thing; I bet you already know what you’re passionate about, what you’d like to dedicate more time to. My challenge to you is to actually do it in 2014! Make it a priority this year in a small, manageable way. No one besides Scrooge becomes a new person overnight. Don’t let the little things get in the way, and when big obstacles arise, work your way around them, and then get back in the saddle.

Really – what have you got to lose? The worst case scenario is that things stay the way they are. In the grand scheme of things, that’s probably okay, too. And, if you don’t make a resolution, be supportive of those who have. Someone who speaks openly of the things he or she wants to accomplish is much more likely to actually meet those goals. You can help keep them accountable without condemning the motivation behind their goal – a new year.

My resolution for 2014 is this blog! I have ideas that I want to share with other people, but Facebook doesn’t seem like the right platform. A blog will encourage me to write more, which helps me organize my thoughts. Plus, it will make it easier to talk about things like ship life and deployments, health and fitness, books and video games, and all the other things that fill my life. I’ve never blogged publicly before so this might be a challenge for me. I’ll do my best to stay regular (weekly, maybe?) and relevant. I hope you’ll be patient with me while I learn how to do this.

Will you give it a try, too? What’s important to you? What’s your resolution this year?

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