Categories
current events navy personal

The Black Hole of Uncertainty

“We’re all going to have to stay in our homes for a little while,” said our national leaders. “It’s for the common social good. A few weeks, maybe a few months, of missed plans and isolation, and we will put all of the bad stuff behind us.”

“Oh no!” replied the introverts of the world, reaching for a blanket and burrowing deeper into the couch. “How ever will we cope?”

Sounds like me, right?

It’s been a little over a month since my state issued its stay-at-home order. It was, at first, a little scary: would we run out of food? toilet paper? what does this mean for my future?

These being the extent of my concerns, though – most of them intangible – shows how lucky I am: I can’t get laid off from the U.S. Navy (and boy do I try). No matter what, I’ll be able to pay my rent and have healthcare and a job. But this is not true for an alarming number of people who are now relying on a safety net not designed for a crisis like this, and wouldn’t be sufficient to support people in need, to this extent, even if it was. And now that I’m hurtling down My Bullshit Lane, if we could pull our heads out of our asses for, like, a single second, we might realize that some of our previous assumptions about the way things have to be simply aren’t true, and we can’t go back to the way things were, pre-pandemic. Too many of us are just a single misfortune away losing everything.

I say all of this as a disclaimer, knowing full well that there’s some measure of guilt in what I’m going to talk about here: being able to move through pure anxiety to find moments of joy during a crisis where others find only the misery of need and uncertainty. If you’re in a tough place, please don’t take any of this as a minimization of your hardship, or some inane encouragement to look on the bright side. Sometimes reflexive cheerfulness is the wrong reaction. It feels strange to be positive now, sometimes, occasionally. Now and then, it does sneak up on me, but it took a while to get there.

You're Interacting With Dark Matter Right Now - The Atlantic
Illustration by Paul Fleet
Categories
nerd stuff

Animal Crossing: New Horizons Keeps Us Safe

March is not shaping up in the way I expected. Right now, I thought I’d be on the Big Island of Hawaii, traversing the lava tubes Volcano National Park, stargazing from the peak of Mauna Kea, enjoying the peaceful solitude of a little cabin tucked away in the forest. I expected to return to Oahu on my birthday to greet my family, who was coming to visit me and attend the disestablishment ceremony of my workplace, which I had helped plan.

Canceled, canceled, canceled.

Instead, I’m rich with the refunds brought about by a global pandemic – and rich in disappointment, too. I will spend my birthday at work, where we are bringing in our own disinfecting supplies because we can’t find any on base, and I will sing “happy birthday” twice to myself every time I wash my hands.

I don’t feel especially stressed, but my body betrays me: I have acne on my face, hives on my chest, and sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night for no reason, jaw sore from grinding my teeth. I lash out at people and I don’t know why. My hands can’t go an hour without reaching for my phone to check the local news.

In another sense, though, I was made for social isolation. My most favorite things are solo activities, all of which I can still keep doing. In fact, I’ve felt quite fulfilled in using my extra time to do things that made me happy, almost as an imperative to stay busy and sane – and it’s been a true joy to witness and experience the creative ways people are connecting with one another, especially from a distance.

One of those ways is Animal Crossing: New Horizons.

Animal Crossing: New Horizons' Is Great for Your Mental Health ...